I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
