just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize