Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
