chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
