If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
