oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
