is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
