WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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