When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
