thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
