is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
