This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
