My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You made out with two different species that night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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