Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
