The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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