Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is the high leading the old right now
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
