you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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