So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Green mimosas i think yes
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
