I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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