Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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