you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
