I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
