I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
