Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
