just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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