I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So. Much. Porn.
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