New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Panties = found
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
