I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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