So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
