thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
