Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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