direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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