was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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