New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize