My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize