Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
