At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
