my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
