ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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