Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
