What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
