can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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