You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
