my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
