I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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