you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
