I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
