I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize