Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
