her vagine was all disorganized.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
