If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
