I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
