my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
