4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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