this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
