remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
