I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
