I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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