I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
