I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
