Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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