If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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