So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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