she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
