Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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