OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
