You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Holy sore nipples Batman
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
