I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
