My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
