guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
