i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
