There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
